8

I weighed 125 yesterday.  And the day before that and the day before that...  Today I said fuck it and didn't weigh in.  What's the point?  Analog scales make it pretty much impossible to tell if there is a change in weight unless it's at least .5 lbs.  I also hadn't been exercising much because I had other things to do first (paper work to fill out, places to call for counselling and bills and things like that, appointments to try to get in to a psychiatrist, ect.) but today I managed to get in more exercise.  But I'm incredibly weak now.  I can barely do 50 crunches where that used to be no problem.  I couldn't exercise in the psych ward without looking like an idiot or disturbing people and, well, psych wards have people with anger issues in them and it's best not to do anything to piss them off.  The day before I was released a guy who was probably only 18 was admitted and he was homicidal and liked to fight.  Ok....  I'll just stay over here....  Anyway, while I was there I was diagnosed with bipolar and that wasn't the first time I had that diagnoses but it's probably the first time I was properly medicated for it.  DO NOT put me on an antidepressant!  How long did it take to figure that one out? Oh, only about 3+ years...  How many antidepressants "quit working" (as I called it) and caused a manic to be even worse?  Oh, only about a good half dozen times.  The problem now is I'm on lithium but it isn't a high enough dose.  It was enough in the psych ward where there was no stress but in the real world, it's not enough. What sucks though, is lithium can cause weight gain.  But don't most antidepressants/mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics do that?  Yes, most do.  I've been on lithium in the past and didn't gain then.  I lost weight the first time I was on it.  But I was also at my high weight (155 lbs) and with adding in some exercise (I was previously a couch potato) it wasn't hard to lose a little weight.   Anyway, I'll shut up know because I really don't know what all I said...

~Kes